Deming Humor

The words and gestures of Dr. Deming were always profound. In all cases, he always emphasized a profound learning point with his carefully chosen words and dry sense of humor. Deming would ask in some seminars, "Why are we here?" before anyone could answer, he would say, "To have fun." As he grew older, he would say the blinding lights made it impossible to see anything. As everyone laughed, he said, "There must be people here.".

Slogans

Slogans were something Deming hated. As Dr. Deming put it, "best efforts" lead to ruin. Let anyone who is not putting forth their best efforts stand, he would ask. Afterward, he would wait for someone in the audience to stand. No one would stand, of course. As he continued, that was the problem; everyone was doing their best. Best efforts? What does that even mean? Not a thing. Why don't we take turns coming to work? He would say. It's the same as asking everyone to do their best. Get a newspaper along the way; take it easy. Above average is another phrase he would make fun of. He would say everyone should strive to be above average in his seminar. After he paused, everyone in the audience laughed. This is a statistician's joke. In the UK, he once heard how the Trade Union Congress (TUC) motioned that no wage in the country should be below average. Three votes prevented it from passing. Deming said it would have been funny if it had passed. It's a stats joke again.

Learning

Deming was sometimes challenged by students who claimed he had changed something he had said earlier in his seminars. After Deming asked the student if he actually said that, the student replied, "I have it on tape." Deming responded, "I won't let that happen again." Then in his deep, low voice, Deming added, "I make no apologies for learning."

The Merit System

Deming hated merit systems. Management by Results (MBRs) was something he particularly hated. He would say that reflex action is all required, no thinking. By focusing on results, he argued that you don't learn and are just using reflex muscles. Deming's best bursts of humor are when he doesn't try to be funny. In one of his seminars, a woman asked him what he would replace the merit system with. He couldn't hear the question at first. His assistant whispered the question to him. A mad look crossed his face as he stood up. Replace it, he said. Would you like something better to destroy people than that? As a result, the audience erupts in laughter. Deming, however, didn't take this lightly. When the laughter died, he explained that replacement means another way of doing the same thing. Do you know anything more effective in destroying people than this he shouted. Standing in anger, he repeated, do you know any? Please tell me. After rephrasing her question, the poor woman asked, Is there any way to change the merit system? For hell's sake, Deming shouted, don't change it, abolish it. We don't want to change it; we want to abolish it!

Efficiency Syndrome

An orchestra was often used by Deming to illustrate his point about efficiency. Orchestras don't make any sense. It could be more efficient. Most of the time, people have instruments in their hands, but they do nothing with them. Is there a reason why they are just resting? Some people play louder than others. Conductors are the only ones who work all the time. Others work much harder than others. Orchestras seem very inefficient.

A Profound Bear Joke

One of Dr. Deming's lectures contains a bear joke.

A few men walked in Northern Ontario in the spring, a beautiful day in the country with trees, grass creeks, and hills. They were enjoying the day. The trouble was they came up on a bear. It was a serious matter. The men immediately started to tighten up the laces in their shoes so they could run faster. One man said, what's the use a bear can outrun any person? The one with the tightest shoelaces replied, I only need to outrun you two.

In a lower voice, Dr. Deming says, "It may pay to try," after telling the joke. Let the bear catch someone else. Despite telling a joke, Deming still managed to convey a profound message.

Hacks, Quaks, and Fakes

In one instance, a student observed the proliferation of quality function deployments in consultant firms nationwide. In response to the student's question, Dr. Deming ranted, saying that some are magnificent and some are quacks. Further, he called them hacks, quacks, and fakes. I saw some the other day; I don't know what to say. Once again, the audience laughs. Whenever he speaks, Dr. Deming never holds back. You wouldn't believe what I saw, he said. Loudly, he pounds his fist on the table. One of the largest chemical companies gave its suppliers the wrong advice, and I could not believe what I saw. Specification limits were used as control limits. Can you think of anything worse? He asked. He said I can't.

Most people who haven't studied Dr. Deming would answer that there are worse things than this. Nevertheless, Dr. Deming believed that destroying humans was the worst thing one could do. Whether it's slogans, learning, efficiency, bad advice, or even bear jokes, there's always humoristic imagery relating to the human condition in Dante'isk like poetic voice. If I had met him in person, I would never have known when to laugh, be angry, or do both at once.